one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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