well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
