She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
