i just google imaged poop.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
