Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This girl is more easily done than said...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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