I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
