Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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