Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
