Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
