Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
