Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
