he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
