Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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