Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
