i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
