Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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