i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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