glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
