You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
NoShamevember. You game?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
