he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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