life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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