I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
false alarm, still single
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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