ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
