The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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