Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
