We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
