Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
