This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
