Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
