i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
