google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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