Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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