I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
