She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
