Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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