I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
