Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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