i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
