she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
