Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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