Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
