While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
