Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
