I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
