He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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