The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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