you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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