You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Someone came in the potted fern
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
