She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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