I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
