Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
