dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
