Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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