just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's never too late to be topless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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